Missus doesn't get the voices in her head typical of bog-standard Paranoid Schizophrenia. She gets paranoid beliefs. Stuff that happens to her is explained by her persecution by a criminal gang because she knows too much.
When she finally went completely out of control in January 2002, she became lost in a waking nightmare fantasy. It was complicated with severe OCD. She still has these beliefs, but the antipsychotic damp it all down so she's not continually in an angry fear about it.
In recent years the paranoia has settled right down and doesn't trouble her, but essential to keeping her settled is low stress. Stressful situations cause relapses. This is why I have to work hard at my own self-management - I can't afford to "lose it" because then she will as well!
Now she is happy in her world, but still has many quirks, most of which I intend to record in this blog.
Sunday 6 March 2016
STUPID CAT
All cats have their quirks. Revan the cat for example likes to sleep in bizarre positions and mainly wants to be with Son.
Shadow the cat chirps when wanting attention, and most annoyingly, thinks she's a dog. When we go out anywhere, she would follow us literally wherever we went. In my case, this is not a problem - I shoo her away.
Loony Missus cannot do this. The cat has consequently followed her way out of its territory on two occasions - on one it got itself lost in the local cemetery. It took us several hours to find her, then she followed us all the way home. On the other occasion the stupid thing followed Missus to the bus stop. Missus got on the bus, and the cat was stranded with no idea where it was, and harassed by local cats pissed off at this stranger in their territory. Again I had to go find her and she followed me home.
Now every time Missus goes out, we have to lock the cat in until Missus has long gone. If the cat is out, I have to escort Missus up the road and bar the cat from following her beyond the top of the road. I must surely be the only man in the universe who has to do this. It's somewhat humiliating and makes me feel lonely.
Shadow the cat chirps when wanting attention, and most annoyingly, thinks she's a dog. When we go out anywhere, she would follow us literally wherever we went. In my case, this is not a problem - I shoo her away.
Loony Missus cannot do this. The cat has consequently followed her way out of its territory on two occasions - on one it got itself lost in the local cemetery. It took us several hours to find her, then she followed us all the way home. On the other occasion the stupid thing followed Missus to the bus stop. Missus got on the bus, and the cat was stranded with no idea where it was, and harassed by local cats pissed off at this stranger in their territory. Again I had to go find her and she followed me home.
Now every time Missus goes out, we have to lock the cat in until Missus has long gone. If the cat is out, I have to escort Missus up the road and bar the cat from following her beyond the top of the road. I must surely be the only man in the universe who has to do this. It's somewhat humiliating and makes me feel lonely.
HEAVY WEARS THE CROWN
Then you have a mentally ill wife, a son lost in his own world and an ex-daughter banished forever, you are left undisputed master of your home. What I say goes! I like to think I don't abuse this power, and my central priority is the dependents.
It is however lonely. With the other two clueless and unable to do anything, I am sole housekeeper responsible for maintenance and upkeep, and meeting the various needs of Missus. When you feel low, you can't just stop, you still have to get on with the cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundry and shopping. When I'm upset, I can't turn to them - they care but they can't do anything useful to help.
Yes I have unprecedented freedom and comfort, and I'm loved - for this I'm profoundly grateful, but there's no one to look after me. When you're low, that's when the loneliness really bites.
It is however lonely. With the other two clueless and unable to do anything, I am sole housekeeper responsible for maintenance and upkeep, and meeting the various needs of Missus. When you feel low, you can't just stop, you still have to get on with the cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundry and shopping. When I'm upset, I can't turn to them - they care but they can't do anything useful to help.
Yes I have unprecedented freedom and comfort, and I'm loved - for this I'm profoundly grateful, but there's no one to look after me. When you're low, that's when the loneliness really bites.
Friday 4 March 2016
WORK
Bizarrely, she's the patient but also the chief breadwinner. She's always been good at getting jobs, as she comes across in interviews so positive. Holding them down is another matter, but she has now held down this one as a classroom assistant (clerical rather than child support) for ten years. She must be doing something right, though I don't know how much slack she is cut or how well she performs.
I kept her illness to myself until the day she shared her delusions with a colleague and was sent home for six weeks pending an assessment. The Psychiatrist attached to Occupational Health diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenia, but that it was well-managed and she was fit to work. Since that time, the cat has been out of the bag and I've shared the matter openly.
She went back to work and there have been no incidents since.
I bring in income from my Hypnotherapy Practice and a weekend job at ASDA, but it's less than Missus earns over the year.
I kept her illness to myself until the day she shared her delusions with a colleague and was sent home for six weeks pending an assessment. The Psychiatrist attached to Occupational Health diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenia, but that it was well-managed and she was fit to work. Since that time, the cat has been out of the bag and I've shared the matter openly.
She went back to work and there have been no incidents since.
I bring in income from my Hypnotherapy Practice and a weekend job at ASDA, but it's less than Missus earns over the year.
DRUGS
I am a lot more fortunate than many carers in my position, because Missus faithfully takes all of her medication - there's a lot of it.
OLANZAPINE - HIGH DOSE - This is the most important one. A powerful anti-psychotic, it suppresses her tendency to form paranoid delusions. There are side effects - sleepiness, major weight gain, loss of perception and depression
CITALOPRAM - HIGH DOSE - Happy pills, used to counteract the depressive effect of Olanzapine. Very effective, her personality is generally sunny.
CARBAMAZAPINE - LOW DOSE - She has mild epilepsy, that developed in pregnancy. Though mild in terms of not easily triggered, if triggered she has full Grand Mal fits, with asphyxia, unconsciousness and temporary memory loss. She has not had a fit for 20 years, but sometimes gets blank moments.
STATINS - A tendency to high cholesterol caused by weight/Olanzapine is controlled by this drug.
LANSOPRAZOLE - A "proton pump inhibitor" used to treat gastritis, unrelated to Delusional Disorder, more to do with age
IRON SUPPLEMENT to treat simple anaemia, possibly a side-effect of the other drugs
OLANZAPINE - HIGH DOSE - This is the most important one. A powerful anti-psychotic, it suppresses her tendency to form paranoid delusions. There are side effects - sleepiness, major weight gain, loss of perception and depression
CITALOPRAM - HIGH DOSE - Happy pills, used to counteract the depressive effect of Olanzapine. Very effective, her personality is generally sunny.
CARBAMAZAPINE - LOW DOSE - She has mild epilepsy, that developed in pregnancy. Though mild in terms of not easily triggered, if triggered she has full Grand Mal fits, with asphyxia, unconsciousness and temporary memory loss. She has not had a fit for 20 years, but sometimes gets blank moments.
STATINS - A tendency to high cholesterol caused by weight/Olanzapine is controlled by this drug.
LANSOPRAZOLE - A "proton pump inhibitor" used to treat gastritis, unrelated to Delusional Disorder, more to do with age
IRON SUPPLEMENT to treat simple anaemia, possibly a side-effect of the other drugs
INTRODUCTION
I have been meaning to start this blog for some time. It has three basic purposes:
1. As a form of self-therapy
2. As an insight to my patient that people can draw on a resource should I become incapacitated or dead
3. Help and encouragement for other carers
It is not intended to be a daily journal, but more a list of The Patient's quirks and my emotions in dealing with them, as and when time allows and when they occur to me. All helpful feedback is welcome.
I have to state right off the bat that my life is happy. Happiness is not I believe the absence of challenges, but rather a life of fulfilment where your contribution is recognized. I certainly have that, so whilst I will discuss at length my sadness, it has to be seen in the context of someone at peace inside - at least until further notice!
1. As a form of self-therapy
2. As an insight to my patient that people can draw on a resource should I become incapacitated or dead
3. Help and encouragement for other carers
It is not intended to be a daily journal, but more a list of The Patient's quirks and my emotions in dealing with them, as and when time allows and when they occur to me. All helpful feedback is welcome.
I have to state right off the bat that my life is happy. Happiness is not I believe the absence of challenges, but rather a life of fulfilment where your contribution is recognized. I certainly have that, so whilst I will discuss at length my sadness, it has to be seen in the context of someone at peace inside - at least until further notice!
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